I know why I get upset. It's because I get hurt. It's because I've set up an expectation of someone that they can't fulfill. I've known this for years, but it seems to take a lot longer to really know it. Even now, I might have moved from knowing it in my head to knowing it in my heart, but how long will it take for my response to change?

So I've been settling. I've been chasing after an imperfect, mortal love that is sinful and often selfish. Even if I could get human love in its perfected form, it would be a thimble full in comparison with the deep ocean of God's love.
"[And I pray] that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." (Eph. 3:17-19)

Somewhere in my subconscious I've been seeking for affirmation so that I can at least ignore my insecurities for a while, but God wants to just blow me away with His great love for me. He longs to lavish His lovingkindness. And His love isn't just a bigger version of what we give to each other. His is immense and awesome, a break-your-bone love that knocks us flat on our faces, washing over us, consuming us. "If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking."

I wish that I could express in words how great His love is, but it's beyond that. Beyond human expression and conception. And this great love that is a "reckless, raging fury" holds me and tells me, "You are My beloved. I love you and I made you for a purpose. No one satisfies except Me."

"May the beloved of the LORD dwell in security by Him, Who shields him all the day, And he dwells between His shoulders." (Deut. 33:12)
And so I'll sit here between His shoulders, held by His love in security, gratitude and awe.